you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
