the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
