i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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