God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
