This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
