She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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