I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
