Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
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Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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