She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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