Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize