it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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