I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
