She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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