i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
