Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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