I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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