He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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