Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
