You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
