4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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