Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
