Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
