We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
