my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
