My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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