Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
