I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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