That's when you crack a 10am beer
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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