The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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