I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
