my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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