i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
