Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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