My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
