just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
