My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
