I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
