So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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