I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
