i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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