I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
