think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
