I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
