Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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