i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I think my fart just growled at me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
