Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
