I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
