you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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