Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
