I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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