he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
