White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
