omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
