3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
