I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
