I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
