so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
