I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
