I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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