I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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