so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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