Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
