It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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