When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
