I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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