thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
