Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
