Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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