Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
